Going through toxic/abusive/one-sided relationships (family, friends, partners, etc.), especially more than once, really messes with your perception of relationships in general. Like, if you text me first, tell me you like me, call me your friend (or even (one of) your best friend(s)?!?), that’s really weird to me. Like, you’re not just going to abandon me? You care about me and show that through your actions? You’d miss me if I wasn’t there? That’s wild and I don’t 100% believe it.
And even if I accept that, it’s baffling to me that I continue to exist to people when we’re not interacting? Like, you think about me? Even if we don’t really talk? I’ve barely spoken to my local librarians despite going to the library three times a week but apparently they talk about me??? I’m a person who’s present in other people’s lives who they notice?????? That’s not right